School and Skirts
by ferretgirl-1124
Summary: After discovering that HIVE is being rebuilt under the cover of an all girls school, the Titans decide to send some one undercover. Unfortunately, only one person is up to it, and this will not be thier easiest mission. [SpeedyxAqualad]
1. It Begins

**Title:** School and Skirts  
**Author: **ferretgirl1124  
**Pairing/Characters:** eventual SpeedyxAqualad, background BBxRae, and StarxRob  
**Rating:** PG-13  
**Warnings/Kinks:** slash, knee rants, crossdressing, strange straw analogies, bad attempts at humor.  
**Disclaimer**: Honestly people, do I even need to say it? They're not mine, I just torture them from time to time.  
** Beta**: The wonderous Bleeding-Arora who fixes my horrible passive voice and does it with kindness. Thank you so much!******  
**

**A/N**: I wrote this at 4 A.M. about six months ago, re-read the next morning, and hid it from the world. Recently I dug it back up and realized that with some betaing and re-writing, it might be salvagable. So...enjoy the horrible humor and the skewed look at High School fics.

* * *

The sun shone on the tall, 'T' shaped building, reflecting light towards the city. It was a calm, peaceful scene, and no one would have believed how different that outward appearance was from the internal workings on that beautiful morning. Inside stalked nine super-power teens, holding various implements that would help them capture the tenth, rogue teen and fellow Titan. 

One of the teenagers sighed, thinking back to how calm it had been twenty minutes ago. They had been gathered in the main room discussing their latest intelligence, and then this situation had been set off. One word was all it took to send him running for the hills, and he would most likely make it if they didn't find him soon. Another tense ten minutes past uneventfully before a cry of triumph rang through the building.

They rushed to the scene and were greeted with an interesting sight. Speedy stood towering over his captive, one foot planted on his stomach as the other boy struggled with the net that he had recently been caught in. It was a perfect copy of a cliché' hunting picture, but instead of a lion, the prey was one very pissed off Atlantean.

"I'm not doing it!!"

Cyborg grinned and caught the other boy beneath the arms, picking him up easily. "You have to."

"There isn't enough money in the world!" Aqualad continued to struggle; ignoring the exasperated looks the leaders exchanged. So they were pissed. They'd get over it. Right now, his main concern was getting back to Atlantis, where no one expected you to make such distorted sacrifices. There was being a hero, and then there was being a hero, and as far as he was concerned the world could go to hell, because he was not doing it!

Laughing heartily and ignoring the leader's concerns, the joking Titans carried him back towards the control room. By the time they arrived, the Atlantean was positive that he had heard more fish jokes in the past five minutes then he had ever wanted to, and he would have cheerfully choked Beast Boy if he could have gotten his arms loose. Once he was settled on the couch, they jumped into various spiels, hoping to convince him.

"C'mon, fish boy. You're the only one that makes sense. Raven's too anti-social, Star's too Tamaranean, and Bee's wings would still be there even if we cloaked 'em." Speedy grinned down at his captive teammate, the glee in his eyes solidifying Aqualad's theory that the archer was a sadist. "They might recognize Jinx, Argent's busy, Pantha stands out, Melvin's too young, and Kole can't leave Gnnark."

"So disguise Beast Boy!"

Robin held up a hand to stop Speedy's next flow of comments, and looked down at the other boy. "We can't. I need my team here; there was a jailbreak a few days ago, and the city needs all the protection it can get."

Aqualad glared up at them, imagining all the things he would have loved to do to them just for making the suggestion. "Then send Speedy!!"

Now it was all the Titans exchanging that irritated look. They had been over this many times -- all without telling him, of course -- and this was the only situation that would work. Bumblebee finally stepped forward, speaking for all of them. "You have the body for it. The cloaking will be easier and look more natural, and your hair's already long, so that we wouldn't hafta fake it. You need to suck it up and do this for the team, Aqualad!"

That was the final straw. The straw that broke the camels back. Any analogy of annoyance that involved hay in some way. "I'm not cross dressing!!"

The males in the room twitched slightly at the word, much to Raven's amusement. She had no idea why just the concept of wearing makeup horrified boys so much, but during the conversation that had started all of this, none of them had been willing to just say what the Atlantean's mission was. Apparently, he had spent a good part of the discussion under the impression that the girls were doing reconnaissance at the mall, and that he was supposed to be back up. The empath sighed, then spoke up, well aware that it had to be done. "Speedy's right, though. None of us can do it."

Bumblebee nodded, putting one hand on her hip as she eyed her dark haired teammate. "It'll be quick. You wouldn't even need to do it, except for the fact that none of us could pull off the illusion if we're boarding there. It'll be a month at the most, just enough to get in there and find out what Blood's up to."

"You better be right about this! Because I can't see Blood re-starting H.I.V.E. as an all girls boarding school!"

Robin shrugged helplessly, motioning to the charts that were still displayed from the morning's meeting. "Everything we've found says the same thing. And that means you get to spend a few weeks in a skirt."

The boy whimpered softly and closed his eyes, attempting the ocular version of 'lalala I can't hear you!'. However, it did no good, because simply closing his eyes could not block out Speedy's loud, grating voice.

"C'mon, Unitard guy! Any male would kill to spend a month in an all girls school. Imagine what you'll see!"

Aqualad's eyes opened just long enough for him to give his friend a look that clearly said 'what the hell is wrong with you?', before clamping them closed again. "Then you do it!"

"I can't. I'm too manly to pull off being a chick, unlike some people here."

Anyone who didn't know the two would have a hard time believing they were best friends. Hell, the Titans didn't believe it half the time. It was the fact that the Atlantean didn't simply lunge forward and try to bite Speedy's knees off for that comment that proved that there was friendship in there somewhere. Either that, or Aqualad simply disliked knees. Still, the others took it as a good sign when the glare the captive sent the captor lasted only a few seconds, and that it didn't have nearly as much venom in it as usual. "I'm not doing it." He stated simply.

"You have no choice." Robin's voice was authoritative, and there was no room for argument. "We need you to do this. Cyborg's going to hack the school's database tonight, and you're going shopping tomorrow."

Paling, Aqualad paused for a second. "Shopping?"

Starfire spoke up for the first time, an audible giggle in her voice. "Yes friend Aqualad! You will be needing bras!"

He had no idea what he had done to deserve this, but he was beginning to believe it involved slaughtering kittens in his last life. What else would account for the horrible turn his life had taken so quickly? Because it was rather obvious, at least in his opinion, that _nothing_ good could come of this.


	2. Enter The Roomie

**Title:** School and Skirts  
**Author:** ferretgirl-1124  
**Pairing(s):** Eventual SpeedyxAqualad, RobinxStar, BBxRaven  
**Genre:** Humor, Romance  
**Rating:** PG-13  
**Warning(s):** Slash, small strange weasel like creatures, homophobia, cross dressing, promiscuity  
**Disclaimer:** I may not own them, but they do like me better then DC, so ha!  
**Word Count: **2,249**  
**

**Summary: **After discovering that HIVE is being rebuilt under the cover of an all girls school, the Titans decide to send some one undercover. Unfortunately, only one person is up to it, and this will not be thier easiest mission.

**A/N: **Alright, kids, welcome back to the wonderful world of crossdressing. It just gets weirder from here (if that's even possible). Keep in mind that Garth will be refered to as 'she', 'her', 'female', and 'girl', so just remember that the main 'female' is actually a male, even if they don't appear to be at the moment. And remember, humor is not my forte'. At all.

* * *

The building was old, majestic, ivy covered; a photographer's wet dream. It was the epitome of old fashioned, from the etiquette classes to the dress code, which included dresses that only the girliest of females could love. All and all it was a male's worst nightmare, and Roy laughing in 'her' ear every few seconds wasn't helping at all. Unfortunately, when she snapped, it was between classes and everyone got to see the new 'girl' whaling on her redheaded escort. 

The other escort, a dark haired boy that was said to be her brother, stood over the two, looking torn between helping and simply letting the girl beat the crap out of his friend. The fight continued until a matronly looking woman grabbed the dark haired assailant and glared at her. "Miss Grace! This is not how young ladies behave!"

The boy she had been straddling scrambled to his feet and tried to stem his nosebleed. "Yeah, _Grace_. Be a good little girl!"

"Roy, I swear to god that when I get loose I'm going to kick your ass fro --"

"Miss Grace!" The shocked voice rolled through the halls, and for a split second, the group of gaping girls turned. Lightening flashed, somewhere a kitten died of a heart attack, and the congregation of females shivered. A tall, thin, gray haired woman stepped forward, arms crossed. "I was told that you would make up for you late entry with wonderful manners, and here you are, fighting like a common boy?"

The newcomer, Grace, stared at her, wondering how she had managed to make an accusation and ask a question at the same time. "I...yes?"

"Hmph." She turned her gaze to the only newcomer that hadn't been involved in a fistfight in the past five minutes and frowned. "And you must be her brother, Mr...?"

"Please, just call me Joseph."

"Well, now her behavior is understandable." She cast a severe glare at the three of them, "Now, miss Grace, you will be shown to your dorm. I'm afraid your brother and..._that boy_ will not be allowed any farther into my campus."

The dark eyed girl glanced over her shoulder at the two boys she had come with, raising one hand in a tentative wave as the woman who originally yelled at her grabbed her and dragged her down the hall. Five minutes at her new school, and she was already notorious. The only good thing, so far as she could tell, was that she and the headmistress shared an opinion on Roy. Maybe that could help somewhere down the line...after all, she had made the sacrifice of coming here, so if Speedy had to be given to the villains before 'she' was trusted, then, well, she thought she could live with that.

* * *

Caroline Craney was an oddball. To be more specific, a pissed off oddball. She had been used to having her own room, dammit! And now she was staying with some stuck-up girl who had barely said a sentence to her since she had moved in two days ago. Hissing words that are often only heard in a catholic school, she dived into a pile of clothes beside her bed, ignoring the slight intake of breath from the other bed. 

Okay, so she wasn't that neat. Did that mean the new girl had to gasp every time she tried to find something? Another few seconds passed, and she unearthed what she had been looking for. "There you are! How did you get out of your cage?"

She looked up just in time to derive pleasure from the sight of her roommate going from sitting peacefully on the side of her bed to plastering herself against the wall, eyes widening almost comically. "Cage? What do you mean 'got out of your cage'?"

"Relax!" Caroline flapped one hand impatiently, plopping on her neurotic peer's bed, hands wrapped carefully around her squirming pet. "Chelsea won't hurt you. She's hand tamed."

"...What is that thing?"

"A ferret."

"A…_ferret_. It looks like a rabid weasel."

Now, if they had had any mutual school friends, Grace would have been warned. As it was, she made the worst mistake she could have made, and was rewarded with a squirming, smelly pile of ferret being dropped directly into her lap. "Chelsea is not a weasel! Now bond with her! You need to be exposed to some normal pets; your obsession with fish is really starting to freak me out."

"First of, it's not an obsession." The girl grimaced and plucked the ferret from her clothes, wincing as sharp little claws hooked on the obscenely expensive school uniform. "Second, cats and dogs are normal pets. I don't even know what a ferret is."

"Chelsea."

Grace gave the other a disgusted look, one that quite obviously said 'you're 'parents were first cousins' level of stupid'. "Thank you, professor literal. You've made my education at this hell hole so much easier to endure."

"Whoa..."

After a moment or two, Grace became slightly unnerved by the wide-eyed stare she was receiving. "What? Never heard multiple syllable words before?"

"My god, the prep actually swears. This is a break through in my research!"

"I...have absolutely no idea what you're babbling about."

"...Neither do I. It just sounded good in my head."

"The echoes made it sound cooler?" Grace smirked, ducking as Caroline grabbed a pillow and threw it at her. Chelsea was smacked by her owner in the process of the throw, and for the next five minutes, the two girls were forced to stand on chairs to avoid the bristling animal. After that, things were better between the two, and -- after making sure that the ferret was safely locked in her cage -- they departed for their first class of the day, contently buried in a cheerful conversation.

* * *

"Grace." 

"Mmph. Go 'way."

"Grace, _wake up_. They're going to be here soon!" The only response from her roommate was a muffled grunt. The two had slowly become more attached to each other since the Chelsea escape fiasco, and because of this Caroline never even hesitated. "Well, I tried."

As the freezing cold water hit Grace's skin, the pretty girl shot up, screeching. "AHH!"

Caroline snickered and threw a towel at her, then went back to working on her hair. "Get up. It's Saturday, and you know that means there are going to be visitors all over this campus. My brother's going to be here soon."

"Joy. Hope he's not as sadistic as you."

"Oh, no. Compared to him I'm downright sweet."

Grace sighed and sat up in bed, checking to make sure her necklace was still in place. This had become a habit created out of necessity; if anything were to happen to the necklace, the hologram that disguised her would be destroyed. So every morning she checked, and throughout the day she would make sure the small blue pendant was still working. It was simple self-preservation, an act that she did without knowing that by the end of the day, she would want nothing more then for it to fail completely.

It was ironic, she decided as she fled through the halls, that the only time she would ever be considered – at least in surface terms - 'normal' would be one of the most miserable times in her existence. There was probably a lesson to be learned in that, but right now she honestly didn't care. All she wanted to do was escape this horrible place and the perverts that visited it. Honestly, how did girls deal with guys that thought everyone with breasts were property?

Speaking of which…

"Wait up!"

Was there _any_ way she could ditch this guy? Panting, she darted around a corner and flattened herself against a wall, silently promising slow and violent death upon her pursuer and the person who had introduced them.

Caroline hadn't been kidding about her brother's sadism (though Grace was fairly sure it was actually psychosis), but really, no one should be willing to go this far for a date. Hell, she had been leading him through the school grounds for ten minutes, and by this point she was just as confused as to how he was keeping up with her as she was by why he was bothering. Surely there were more willing girls; in fact, considering the moans she could hear from the empty classroom she was hiding next to, she was positive there were. Of course, she most likely had a bit more class then that girl, but Alex Craney didn't seem the type to care about that kind of thing.

As she tried to get her breathing under control so that the stitch in her side would disappear, the door Grace was leaning on opened inwards, and she fell back into the arms of the _last_ person she wanted to see. This day had just gotten ten times worse.

* * *

They hadn't planned to send Roy to collect information from Garth. In fact, the teams had worked carefully to make sure that 'Grace's brother' would be available. But you know what they say about the best-laid plans. After a prison break out that took place the day before visitor's day at the school way-laid Titan's West day off, only one person was left that wouldn't need a hologram and small ton of paperwork to enter the school; Speedy. 

The redhead objected until one of the twins reminded him of the blackmail potential. After that, he perked up considerably, styled his hair, put on sunglasses, and skipped off to the school.

Alright, maybe he didn't skip, but his mental state was such that if he hadn't been so damn manly, he _would_ have skipped. Anyways, once he arrived he discovered a small problem. He was too sexy to be in a crowd of girls that had been deprived of boys. After being dragged off to three dorms and classroom, he was tired, and determined to find fish boy, get his report, and head home to get some well-earned sleep.

He left the classroom alone, the girl insisting that no one know what she had been doing, and had his wish granted as soon as he opened the door, as a small bundle of dark hair, big eyes, and soft skin fell into his arms with a gasp. The girl he cradled froze for a second, then pushed away with a small sound of disgust, and slammed the classroom door that he had just come out of.

"Speedy," She hissed, grabbing him by the collar of his button up shirt and pulling him till they were nose-to-nose, "What the _hell_ are you thinking? These girls are part of H.I.V.E., remember? I know you're a man whore, but try to have some standards!"

The redhead pushed away, smirking slightly, and flicked her nose. "Personal space, fish stick. Ever heard of it?"

"That never seemed to be an issue for you, bow boy. Now, why are _you_ here? I was told 'Joseph' would be coming to see me." The girl scowled and crossed her arms, feeling rather vindictive towards West, East, and anyone else who might have had a hand in making the idiotic and potentially lethal decision to send Roy.

Still smirking, he began walking down the hall, confident she would follow, if only to keep up with the still-quiet conversation. "Guess they don't keep you up-to-date in here, huh? There was a break out in Jump city. Bird boy's pretty sure Slade had something to do with it." The redhead paused and glanced over his shoulder, smirking. "Of course, he thinks Slade's to blame when milk goes sour, so that's not saying much."

"While your wit is _wonderfully_ entertaining, I would really like to get this over with. The sooner you're gone, the better." She stalked after him, eyes narrowed. One of the things she had yet to adjust to was the god-awful shoes females wore, and his irritatingly long strides were hard to keep up with while she was attempting to keep her balance and at least a little of her dignity. Fortunately, he either didn't notice or didn't care that she was having problems, and she preferred it that way. The day she asked the pompous archer for help would be the day Robin got the stick out of his ass; in other words, when hell froze over.

As if he was determined to keep two steps ahead of her, his pace quickened again. "Kitty got claws, huh? Whatever. Trust me, I don't want to be around any longer then I have too, either. This whole situation is creepy. Funny as hell, but still creepy."

The girl opened her mouth, prepared to bitch slip him verbally since she couldn't do it physically, and felt arms wrap around her waist. Warm breath hit her ear, and even before she heard the low chuckle, she knew she was screwed. "Why hello, darlin'…"

"Alex!" Fumbling, she shoved away from him and staggered backwards, mentally cursing the damned shoes as she slammed into Speedy. "What the hell??"

Her sentiment was echoed by her redheaded teammate as he caught her, wrapping his arms around her as a reflex. "Who the fuck are you?"

"I could ask you the same question." The brunette boy eyed the two, obviously sizing up Roy and attempting to determine whether or not the other boy was a threat to what he considered to be 'his claim'. The redhead returned the look, never releasing Grace.

The 'girl' glanced between them, frowned, and picked the lesser of two evils without a seconds' hesitation. "Alex, he's the reason I won't date you." She forced a flirtatious smile, feeling slightly nauseas, and wrapped her arms around the redhead. "This is Roy, my boyfriend."

* * *

**A/N: **Dundundun. 

Well, that's all for now, folks. And before anyone freaks out at me, I know what Robin's name is. I just didn't think he'd use it in front of the administration of a supposedly evil school.


	3. Unwanted Romance

**Title:** School and Skirts  
**Author:** ferretgirl-1124  
**Pairing(s):** Eventual SpeedyxAqualad, RobinxStar, BBxRaven  
**Genre:** Humor, Romance  
**Rating:** PG-13  
**Warning(s):** Slash, small strange weasel like creatures, homophobia, cross dressing, promiscuity  
**Disclaimer:** I may not own them, but they do like me better then DC, so ha!  
**Word Count: **1,074

**Summary:**After discovering that HIVE is being rebuilt under the cover of an all girls school, the Titans decide to send some one undercover. Unfortunately, only one person is up to it, and this will not be thier easiest mission.

**A/N: **Thanks to a stupid-to-the-point-of-being-surreal move made by my schools administration, I am once again inspired to write comedy. Apparently school _can_ be of use. That was a shock.

* * *

"Y'know Grace…I know we haven't been friends long, but I wish you had told me about your boyfriend." The brunette shifted slightly and sighed, wincing. Nothing was as bad as having your butt fall asleep; there are certain places that just shouldn't tingle, and that was one of them. "I had to listen to my mom bitch about my brother bitching for three hours."

On the other side of the door that Caroline was currently leaning against, Grace sunk down in the tub, flushing. After her horrific 'confession', Roy had stuck around just long enough to make sure Alex was gone before vanishing, still muttering obscene and unpleasant promises under his breathe. She had no idea who the threats were directed towards, but she was glad he had left before he decided to go through with one.

As soon as they were gone, she had fled, and hadn't left the bathtub since. At last count, it had been five hours, and she had no intention of leaving anytime soon, no matter how many times her roommate threatened to feed her fish to the ferret.

It would be another two hours until she was convinced to get out, and then only because of strange noises emanating from the room, which turned out to be nothing more then Caroline attempting to study as the ferret chewed on her toes. Grace decided that day that no matter how dangerous they were, villains this lame could not be taken seriously, and if this was the future of evil, they had nothing to worry about.

* * *

It had been two hours since Speedy had returned, and Bumblebee was getting worried and fairly pissed off. The archer had spent a good portion of that time pacing through the Tower, snapping at the twins until they broke down into tears and a torrent of Spanish curses, and then, as if torturing his teammates had worn him out, the redhead disappeared into his room; how he managed to slam the automatic door was a mystery, but she was sure it would mean more work for her.

Apparently, his mission hadn't gone well.

Of course, this would have been understandable if he had been infiltrating the H.I.V.E. or had been working to stop one of Slade's nefarious plots, but considering his mission had been to visit a friend at school, failing would be fairly pathetic.

Honestly, though, he wasn't acting like he had failed, or like Aqualad was in danger; he just seemed pissed off at the world in general. Now, when Speedy got his panties in a bunch, she usually left him alone, having realized long ago that it was easier to let him work through whatever it was that had offended him. But this time was different. This time, the safety of a teammate was in question, and she wasn't going to let this go.

* * *

The call came in that evening. For a good minute, before it was discovered that Bumblebee was simply laughing too hard to speak clearly, Cyborg fiddled with the controls, convinced that the strange noises were caused by static or interference.

"Spe…" Peal of laughter, "Rob, you," Another burst of laughter, now joined with distinctly Speedy-style angry muttering and the sound of keys being tapped. An instant later, the two Easties appeared on the giant screen in the living room, which blocked the movie the Wests had been watching, but didn't turn it off, causing an interesting mixture of dialogue.

Cyborg was the first to speak, his lone eyebrow arching slightly. "Bee, what's goin' on?"

"Hahaha! S-sparky, y-you'll never believe this…" The girl leaned against a nearby table, holding her sides and laughing, tears streaming down her cheeks. Speedy's eye twitched dangerously as he looked away from his hysterical leader; he was scowling darkly, but in contrast to Bumblebee's laughter it looked about as threatening as a ten-week-old kitten, and the runt of the litter at that.

"Dammit, it's not funny!"

"What is not funny?" Starfire leaned over Robin's shoulder, so that her chest pressed against his back, effectively distracting him from the conversation, and peered at the girl on the screen. "Has something happened to Aqualad?"

"Hey, I'll hold him, and you punch! Hehheh. …Or not…For what it's worth, I think you're a great captain!"

The West Titans ignored the movie and the confused looks from their teammates, still waiting for their explanation. Bumblebee took a deep breath, and, withintermittent giggling, explained the situation.

The original Titans stared at her blankly.

"_I saw that…"_

As per usual, it fell upon Beast Boy to ask the articulate question that they were all thinking. "…What?"

"You heard me." The dark skinned leader grinned and leaned back against a near-by table. "'Grace' has a boyfriend now, so her 'brother' won't need to visit her anymore."

Speedy twitched visibly. "No, no, no. 'She' and I are going to break up. There is no way in hell I'm pretending to be fish boy's boyfriend! I'm not gay!"

"Obviously…" Raven crossed her arms, a small smirk radiating pure evil just barely visible in the shadows under her hood. "Since you have a steady girlfriend now." The archer glowered at her, and her smirk widened slightly, "I think this will work well…It will keep people from wondering why her brother visits but her parents don't, and it will keep the visiting boys from bothering her…"

"I'm not dating Aqualad!"

"_You like him, don't you?"_

"W-what?! No!" Speedy screeched in response to the movie, and everyone stared at him. A few seconds passed, and then realization struck; he flushed and gritted his teeth, hands inching towards his bow. He was going to murder whoever had picked out the damn movie, and he was going to enjoy it.

"Uh…huh." Robin edged away from Starfire slightly and shook his head to clear it, then grinned, driving the others to the conclusion that the masked boy had picked up some sadistic tendencies from his time with Slade. "I agree with Raven. It's more convenient, too; it means I won't have to travel across the country every week."

"Traitor!"

Bumblebee pushed her ranting teammate back slightly and smiled. "Then it's agreed…from now on, Grace will get visits from her boyfriend."

After agreeing, the screen flickered back to the movie, but not before they got a clear view of the hand gestures Speedy was using to convey his mood. The five teenagers moved back to the couch, laughing helplessly.

* * *

**A/N:** Well, it's short, but it refused to let me add more. Trust me, I've been trying. For months. This is where it wanted to end for now. No worries though; coming up we will have awkward school dances, strange dreams, unexpected confessions, and a strip scene. That's right, a strip scene.

Oh! And if you can tell me what movie they were watching, you'll get a cameo in the next chapter. Hope you enjoyed!


End file.
